


AuberGine

by T Verano (t_verano)



Category: Object and Concept Anthropomorphism
Genre: Anthropomorphic, Other, eggplants in a manner of speaking, salt and pepper shakers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 15:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18831406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_verano/pseuds/T%20Verano
Summary: In case you ever wondered what your salt and pepper shakers might be thinking. (See note at beginning for an explanation of the eggplant theme...)





	AuberGine

**Author's Note:**

> Sallymn posted a picture of kitschy vintage salt and pepper shakers that were designed to look like eggplants (weirdly roundish purple ones, with faces that were inspiringly -- if disturbingly -- personality-filled), and since her post also included a mention of sentience for eggplants (either as vegetables or s&p shakers), I couldn't quite stop myself from committing this ficlet.

" _Somebody's_ cross," Gine said in a sing-song voice, smirking at the tiny cloud of pepper grains that had just erupted from the holes in Auber's head. Of course, one of Them had just set Auber back down onto the table with too much force, but really, Auber was _always_ cross. Peppers tended to be hot-tempered, as a rule. 

Across the table one of Them sneezed, and the scowl lurking behind Auber's porcelain face changed to a smirk that rivaled Gine's. "Serves Them right," he muttered. 

Gine didn't answer. Her gaze had been caught by the shelf across the room, and once again she was consumed by envy. "Why couldn't we have been Corn?" she asked forlornly, as her eyes slid across the row of silent, empty Salts 'n Peppers. "Corn is so elegant. I always wanted to be Corn."

"For Pete's sake, will you shut up already about Corn?" Auber said. "Corn don't even have eyes! _We_ at least got eyes, don't we?" He dropped his voice. "Better to watch Them with, if you ask me."

Gine ignored him. "Or a Kitty. You could've been a Doggy, and I could've been a Kitty, with my paws reaching up. I would've been so cute! Or Penguins, or... or Tomatoes, even. I would look good in red, I know I would. Besides, They all _like_ tomatoes. Nobody likes eggplants."

Beneath his ceramic glaze Auber's eyes rolled. "You really want Them to like you? You're nuts, and not nuts like those Acorns over there. When They like you They call you Collectible and stick you up on that shelf, and you don't get no salt, you don't get no pepper, you don't get nothing. You got no purpose in life. Red, schmed."

For a moment, Gine forgot she was a Salt and let herself get hot under her collar. "Oh, some big purpose _you_ have, Mr. I'm Going To Leave Them Sneezing! None of Them ever died from _sneezing._ " She calmed herself and added, preening, "Now, high blood pressure, on the other hand..."

Auber chuckled, a dry, cracked sound that made the grains of rice deep inside Gine shiver. It was a delicious feeling. 

When taken, of course, with a grain of salt.


End file.
